Confession: I love astrology. Back when it wasn’t cool yet, I got really into it when I was a teenager and sort of became the poster child of the Barnum effect for a while. So for a long period of time, I staved off astrology and it became one of those guilty pleasures that you only attend to when you’re absolutely certain that you’re alone.
Come 2022, and it’s suddenly cool! So now I’m finally allowing myself to unleash all of my pent up energy into this article. So obviously, my first instinct is to ask my friends of each astrology sign about their worst date ever- because who doesn’t love a good disaster?
As a water sign, I felt obligated to begin this article with one of my sister signs. But finding a water sign who was willing to give me any details about their life was extremely difficult. As a Scorpio myself, fair enough. But as the author of this article, this was very stressful. Maybe they’re just fun-loving and easygoing people beloved by all their exes and past flings, but honestly I think they just didn’t want to add this article to their digital footprint.
In the end I managed to rope my Pisces friend into doing this for me (although I now have a Starbucks frappuccino-shaped hole in my wallet). When I first asked Pisces if he had a story, the first thing he said was “Oh, you’ll love this one.” (Actually it was “what’s this for?”- you know, because water signs are super secretive.)
When it comes to love, Pisceans are pretty traditional and like to take things slow. In a relationship, Pisces is pretty easy-going: “I'm very comfortable with the status quo for the most part. So unless there's like, you know, serious problems or whatever, then I'll mostly be chilling.”
The date was fairly simple: a movie and a café. This was their second date, and according to Pisces their first date “was pretty alright”, so he was fairly confident that he’d have a good time. However, the problems began when they were watching the movie. “So here's the thing. I cannot stand stupid people.”
The intuitive Pisces picks up on everything- including over-reactions to cheesy Hollywood movie dialogues and plotlines. “[With] the way that she was reacting… [it] was very evident [that she] did not know what the fuck was going on. Like [she] actually bought into all that standard line Hollywood bullshit?! Oh my God, she's stupid.”
This was his first red flag, and according to Murphy’s Law, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. “So that's the first mistake, [asking] yourself what's the worst that could happen? The worst will always happen. Don't fucking lie to yourself.”
She asks him to go for a drink. This itself is not problematic, what terrified Pisces was that she did not want a cocktail, or even just a pint of beer and a side of conversation. “She goes, ‘I want the beer tower… my max is three quarters.’” For context: one beer tower is about 3 litres. Obviously, she ends up more drunk than him and being the gentleman that he is, Pisces goes out of his way to make sure she gets home safely that night.
“So I get in the cab with her… She's passed out [and] I'm sitting there like, oh my god, okay, everything will be fine. [But] at some point she wakes up and says ‘I need to throw up, do you have a plastic bag?’ I look out- we are on the fucking expressway.”
Thankfully, the driver had plastic bags in the trunk. All Pisces had to do was hold her hair back as she vomited into it- in the backseat of the car. If you’re thinking that his ordeal ended when they reached her house- you thought wrong.
“She's so far gone, that she cannot even make it to her estate, she stumbles into a fucking children's playground. And you know [how] some of those playgrounds have this egg-shaped spinning thing that kids that go into [to] spin around in? She sits down in that fucking egg and passes out… [So] I'm in a children’s playground… with a drunk girl passed out in a fucking egg and I'm standing over the fucking egg and holding it so that it doesn't start spinning and she doesn't become a fucking beyblade of puke.”
Poor Pisces had to carry her to a nearby toilet and hold her hair back (again) while she vomited into a toilet bowl. When she sobered up enough to walk up to her house, Pisces still had to half-carry-half-drag her to her front door.
When she was finally dropped off in her house (yes, Pisces had to physically deposit her person past her front door and into her home), Pisces’ ordeal was finally over.
Let’s move on to my favourite group: air signs. According to most astrologists, water and air signs don’t usually get along. For me, I get along great with air signs, though it could be because my birth chart is dominated by them. So unlike Pisces, it didn’t take much for Libra to tell me about her life.
Libras are known to be a little vain, but in their defence: who doesn’t like beautiful things? Typically, the perfect first date for a Libra would definitely have to be an event. From personal experience, having an outing with Libra requires at least an hour of getting ready: a full, planned outfit with matching jewellery and make-up because Libra is definitely going to be dressed up.
In Libra’s own words, “my love language is physical touch and quality time so for me… I'll try to either go out and eat some fancy food… or maybe go out and have an adventure, like visit museums, galleries, you know, something that [is] a unique experience between the both of us.”
Her worst date ever was a birthday outing that her ex-boyfriend had planned. Dressed up and sitting in a fancy restaurant, the setting was definitely right for the grand and romantic evening she was anticipating. But alas, even with the sparkling city skyline and ambiance of intimacy, the date just wasn’t meant to be.
Not usually one to rock the boat, Libras are non-confrontational and hate causing a scene. So when her date began criticising her apparent lack of goals and ambitions, Libra was completely caught off guard.
“As a Libra and someone who's still aimless in life [and] in my early twenties and still like, figuring out what to do in life, I didn't really have an answer. I thought that was okay, but he just [started calling] me out for not having life goals and [saying] that I should have one.”
Having already been put on the spot with such a big question, she was understandably embarrassed and confused- and then her date started humble-bragging.
“He proceeded to just brag about his own life goals- about how he [wants to] change the world and impact the lives of others. I was just like, okay, I'm really happy for you, but are you calling me out for having no life goals? And then we started to argue [because] I just felt that he was calling me out for not having life goals.”
To top it off, the date ended in tears (hers, not his), “I was just so upset about it.”
Looking back, she admits that they weren’t very compatible, and needless to say they broke it off a few months after that.
From personal experience, I’ve never met a boring Gemini. The ones I’ve met are exactly like how astrology describes them: spontaneous, bubbly, quirky, and easy conversationalists. Being so easy-going, Geminis are perfect for online dating with its whimsical and relaxed approach.
From a Gemini himself: “I usually go on dates with mutuals (people who you follow, and follow you back on social media) or [through] DMs (Direct Messages)... the first date is usually casual… I actually like [having] the first date at the movies, so even if the girl is boring at least I get to watch a movie.”
Basically: if you’re looking to date a Gemini, just be interesting.
In the same vein as Pisces’ drunk disaster, Gemini also had an alcohol-related fiasco. Gemini and his date had planned to grab drinks together. What they didn’t plan for was his date getting completely drunk off of a single bottle of soju, and having to be sent home in a cab.
However, where Pisces was lucky enough to just be put on babysitting duty, Gemini was unfortunate enough to get vomited on- on the way to her house. “She got so drunk that I had to send her home and on the grab back to her place, she threw up on me.”
On the bright side, Gemini got to check out a cool bar! But in this situation, you could definitely argue that going home covered in puke infinitely outweighs any pros. I’m starting to think that drinking on a date isn’t a very good idea…
Sagittarius is exactly how an astrologist would describe her to be: she’s spontaneous and loves adventure, is a great conversationalist, and is honestly just here for a good time. When in love, she’s a passionate go-getter: “if I'm interested in someone, I will just be really honest. I'll [tell them] ‘yeah, I'm interested in you’”. She’s pretty much up for anything but if there’s one thing a Sagittarius would never be up for, it’s rushing things.
Sagittarius’ date from hell started off great. It was a Tinder date, and as a pretty, funny and outgoing adventurer who was newly single, she had a big pond to fish from. “Okay, honestly, I was a stupid 19 year old girl that was single for the first time in- I don't know how many years and… it was just a whole new experience, like dating as a young adult and I didn't understand the rules!! Okay, there are rules!!”
They’d already been texting for a month and he seemed like a pretty nice guy. When they finally met up for a date “we hit it off straight away”. It was a fun and intimate cafe date- nothing extremely off-putting. When their date came to an end, they spontaneously decided to hang out at Sagittarius’ dorm room- you know, since they were both going back to her university anyway.
When they arrived, that’s when everything went downhill. She admits: “I guess a bit of it was on me because I probably gave the wrong signal”. When she said they could Netflix and Chill in her room, “I really meant it as like, let's just watch a movie!”
Fast forward, she falls asleep with her date wide awake next to her. “He was like, ‘are you asleep?’ And I was like,’not anymore because he woke me up’! And then after that, he was like, ‘I know what will wake you up’ and then he stuck his tongue down my throat.”
Rightly so, Sagittarius was extremely grossed out. “Like just inside my throat, not even like a peck on my mouth. Just SLOBBY.” There was no romance, no theatrics, just a very wet and unwanted kiss.
After this first date, she never heard from him again- because she blocked him.
True to her sign, Aries likes a good challenge. So an ideal partner would be someone with opinions just as strong as their own. While this would make for interesting interactions, it also meant that Aries and their partner would but heads a lot. “If I were to analogise our horoscopes, it would be like a bull headbutting with a mountain goat.”
For Aries, it wasn’t a single horrible date that came to mind, it was an entire relationship. Her dating style is defined by her love language: quality time. “I prefer to spend time alone with my partner and do things together and it would make me feel more appreciated if my partner goes out of his way to spend time with me.”
While the relationship was sweet at first, it soon became obvious that it was very one-sided. “He was open to going out on dates that I enjoyed at first but slowly started thinking it was a chore [later] refused to go out. So if I wanted to spend time with him, it was on his terms and his terms only.”
Despite his complete disinterest in investing time and effort into their relationship, this guy saw nothing wrong with asserting absolute control over Aries. It was a relationship of manipulation and Aries’ ex was constantly exercising dominance of her- even in the randomest of situations.
“We had a date where [afterwards] I met a mutual friend of ours to buy some items for a school event and met up with him for dinner. [My ex] started choking me… and yelled at me for cheating on him in public and I was terrified of the man he became after we started dating.”
Generally free spirits with a competitive edge, Aries women hate clingy people- but this was beyond clingy. This guy was downright controlling. He was even calling her names in front of his friends, trivialising her goals and ambitions, and looking down on her ethnicity and choices.
Basically, this guy was a self-centred asshole and eventually their tumultuous relationship came to an end. But even during the break up, he just couldn’t find it in him to not be a dick. “He even took my headphones when breaking up with me as collateral for the break up that HE initiated.”
Thankfully for Aries, this relationship had long ended by the time I interviewed her and now she has no problems calling it what it was: an abusive relationship.
In all seriousness, if you’re in a similar situation I’ll give it to you straight: what’s happening to you is not love, it's abuse. Take care of yourself and the people around you, because we completely miss the red flags when we’re not looking for them. If you think someone you know is in an abusive relationship, this is AWARE’s hotline for abused women and here is information on counselling services for queer Singaporeans if you need them.
Taureans are stylish and independent, and on mornings when Taurus feels like it, has amazing eyeliner. According to astrologists, they’re the artists of the zodiac and much like Libras, love indulging in pretty things like art and clothes. With an assortment of shiny necklaces and a trendy blue top that reminded me of sea foam, she looked like she stepped out of a Pinterest photo when I asked to talk to her.
Taurians are typically homebodies and rarely stray from their usual path, so when she told me that her worst dating experience was a blind date- I wasn’t very surprised. “Back then it was before Facebook came around… He mentioned that he was from another ITE campus and wanted [us] to get to know each other so I thought okay, why not?”
They were chatting online for a while, so by the time he asked for a face-to-face meeting, she was comfortable enough to say yes. For everyone who wants to try online dating for the first time, here is some sensible advice from a cautious Taurus: “[We met up at] McDonald's. I chose that place because I don't know him [so…] for my own safety… I needed a [public] space where there's a lot of people. ”
While their chats were fun, she had no idea what he looked like. Back then, she didn’t mind not knowing, but looking back it was a little suspicious that he never revealed his face to her. His profile picture wasn’t even his own face, it was an animated character.
So when the day of their first meeting finally arrived, she was horrified to find out that he was nothing like she expected. He was… ugly. “In my eyes he was so ugly… like he came out of a swamp.”
Now that she’s an adult, she acknowledges that this is superficial. However she believes that everyone is entitled to their preferences- you just need to be respectful about them. Taurus, true to her beliefs, stuck around. However, politeness and courtesy wasn’t enough to distract her from her date’s face. Once a Taurus is out of their comfort zone, it’s automatically a fight or flight reaction- and in this situation, she was choosing flight.
“My date asked me if [I wanted] to go somewhere else. And I was so freaked out. I was so scared that I will get pulled into a corner and get raped- I was just so scared for my life. I told him, ‘Oh, I'm so sorry. I have to go meet my cousin to return his CD because I [borrowed it] from him.’”
At this point, her date just really wanted to extend their outing, and was insisting on accompanying her everywhere. In her defence, she was full-on panicking and at this point, she was entering fight mode.
“He was like, ‘Oh, why don't I follow you then?’ Then I told him ‘No, do NOT follow me!’ ”
It’s here when she fully enters fight mode.
“He [followed] me all the way to the bus stop [and kept] pleading [with] me ‘Please, can I please follow you?’ And then I just had to shout in public ‘Do NOT follow me, just stay where you are!’”
And that’s how their date ended- with Taurus screaming and running away. “I’ve never felt so mean,” Taurus laughs, “But I just felt that I needed to do it because it was also for my own safety. I don't know what would happen if I allowed him to follow me… so I boarded the bus but I saw his face [he looked like] he was about to cry but you know what, it was for my own safety so I couldn’t give a shit.”
After our talk was done, we launched into a separate conversation about colour theory and how to use Pinterest. But this information would be useful for a different article, so let’s move on to the next sign.
Capricorn doesn’t believe in astrology signs, in fact out of all my friends, he has the longest history of making fun of me for my obsession with the stars. Stereotypically stoic and stern, this Capricorn is incredibly bright and sociable by his own design. As expected from a Capricorn- he’s a self-starter who’s always working toward a goal and is fueled by passion.
Typically when it comes to romance, Capricorns love attention and are very practical about giving and receiving it. They’re big on planning and like grand gestures- within reason. Above all, they seek stability in partners and relationships and prefer to take things slow. So as much as Capricorn doesn’t believe in astrology, his dating style is pretty typical of a Capricorn.
His worst date ever happened when he was just a teenager, and was with a girl from his class. She was a dancer, and he was attracted to her talent and charisma on stage (such a Capricorn). “I used to think she [was] really cool, really hot, and really smart... I watched a few of her performances and I thought, wow, I want to know more about her.”
As broke teenagers, the most they could do on a date was grab a meal. Pretty straightforward, right? “But halfway [through our date], her teacher called her saying that she has to return to [her school] to man some booth.”
In my opinion, the first red flag was when they had to cut their date short to go back to his then-girlfriend’s school, but ever the trooper, Capricorn was completely unphased and just said “why not?”
This was his rationale: “I can just walk around [her campus] and just see what [her school was doing]. I was very excited because you get to see the other person's school and [what] she’s like among classmates, and stuff.”
Whatever initial excitement he had, however, was all for naught.
“[When we arrived] her former teacher saw her [and] she was very angry. She's started scolding her like, ‘Hey, why weren’t you here? We sent out a message last Friday, why aren't you in uniform? Oh, who is this guy?’ Then she said I was her cousin, haha.”
Hilarious, but red flag number 2.
“And then she just shrank… as the teacher was scolding her, she became smaller and smaller and smaller [and] her back started to slouch… [she looked] so weak to the point where I felt disgusted.”
And just like that, his pristine impression of her was completely shattered.
“[Her] vulnerability and weakness made me [think] ‘oh my God… why is she like this?’ It made me feel like she can't handle her own stuff- she just can't deal with problems…. she's so bad at managing her own issues [and] relationships with people [and her] teacher…. I used to think she was 7, but at that moment, she became a 0.7.”
Like a true blue Capricorn, he’s goal-oriented and would love for his potential partner to be the same. After this incident, the relationship slowly fizzled out and they both moved on with their lives.
Any relationship, romantic or platonic, has its ups and downs. For Chef Derrick Kwa, he believes in the power of food to catalyse meaningful connections, especially over a meal. Food is about engaging the mind and deepening connections with the people you’re sharing your meal with.
In line with this philosophy, Chef Kwa’s latest dining experience emphasises 12 personal values and encourages conversations about what’s important to us.
At the end of my conversation with each of the 7 signs, I asked them which values were missing from their date and which ones were most important in forming connections with others.
For Gemini, what was missing was stability- “because she could barely stand up.” Pisces felt the same way about his date too, as he sensed that she had some personal things she needed to sort out. In his words, “sister is unhinged, sister doesn’t know her limits… yikes.”
In a similar vein, Sagittarius said justice, simply because no consent was given before her date decided to slobber all over her mouth. And this goes to anyone of any gender and at any phase of a relationship: always get consent before initiating anything physical!
For Taurus, what was missing was beauty. This answer is pretty self-explanatory. Likewise Aries snarkily said what was missing was all twelve- no rebuttals there.
Among the responses to what was important, there were a few that resonated with me.
Capricorn, pragmatic as ever, said that wealth was the most important to him. “Wealth is everything. With wealth, you can have adventures… you can grow, you can have happiness, you can have loyalty, you can have peace, you can have stability, you can have curiosity. Without wealth, everything is just a construct and temporary. I [can’t count] how many couples were broken up because of lack of wealth. They fight over the smallest things: Why do you flush the toilet twice? Why did you not turn off the lights? What did you buy this instead of that?... I think when you become an adult, [that’s] when money becomes an issue [so] everything becomes an issue because [each person becomes] focused on [generating and saving] money and [having] a good, stable life.”
On the other side of the spectrum, dreamy and romantic Pisces said it was happiness. “I think the bare minimum for you to be in a relationship with someone is that you feel happy- you feel comfortable hanging around them.”
And although Libra and Gemini pointed to different values, both were alluding to the same thing: that all relationships need an incentive to be nurtured. Having a foundation of support and understanding before a romantic relationship begins ensures its survival, and that without effort, all relationships are doomed to fail. Through intimacy and commitment, romance is kept alive.
Love is complicated. Our relationships are constantly questioned in terms of authenticity and loyalty- do I love you or the idea of you? Is there really ‘The One’ out there for me? Am I even worthy of love?
Supposedly, the digitalisation of life is supposed to solve this uncertainty and make life easier because the world is literally in the palm of our hands. Even love is commodified now: it’s Tinder, Grindr, and Bumble. Sometimes it’s even an Instagram DM. That’s how easy love is supposed to be now.
But I think this pandemic has definitely taught us that nothing really becomes easier, just different- even when we connect through a Zoom call, we still crave human touch, to physically place ourselves in a space surrounded by other like-minded individuals, and the paradox of spontaneity and mundaneness that comes with physical everyday life. But we also love the convenience that comes with technology- we can chat with people without needing to leave our homes, and get up 10 minutes before work or school starts and still be on time.
We want authenticity and exclusivity but on our terms, which is probably why romance can get so messy and convoluted. In this article, I’ve shown one extremity of romance- how absolutely crazy it can be. But that’s not to say that modern love is always without its legitimacy.
Sagittarius has found someone with an equal appreciation for spontaneity and adventure as her, despite the string of objectively bad and lukewarm dates that came before him (her current boyfriend is a Leo if that’s important to know). Likewise, Capricorn has found himself a Scorpio who is independent and disciplined- basically, a self-realised person, who can admittedly go completely off the rails once in a while. And Taurus is happily married to a man who, as she tells me, is absolutely hilarious but put-together enough to balance her out.
And while my own experiences with love are arguably limited, what I can say with certainty is that everyone wants love- whether it’s to love or be loved. This essential of life that is human connection is exactly what Chef Kwa is highlighting and what he wants to give credit to.
Besides his phenomenal food, I believe that there is something to say about the values that are important to us and shape our perceptions and everyday life and, by association, the way we relate to others.
For me, I think my meal would definitely include beauty, friendship, loyalty, and love.
So, what defines you?
In today’s world, connecting with those around us is more important than ever; Chef Kwa’s 7-of-12 dining experience is designed to encourage those conversations and connections, through the lens of the values that define us. From 12 values, choose 7 that matter most and get a 7-course meal centred around your choices. Check out the available dates here!