Image credits:
Luckas Arias Torfs
Some individuals dislike or feel disgusted by it, while others find it enjoyable to watch, in a mild form of voyeurism.
“Ugh get a room” was my initial thought whenever I saw people making out in public. I was a conservative kid and the idea of grinding up against someone or kissing right out in public seemed unseemly. I've evolved a lot since then, and I'm a lot less conservative. I've learned to be far less judgmental of others and, for the most part, to live and let live. More importantly, I've come to believe that expressing emotions such as love and connection in public is both healthy and beautiful.
Publicly displaying affection (for your significant other). I began to realize that thisentailed holding hands. This entailed kissing. Giving gifts, kissing goodbye,and even sitting next to one another in a restaurant that is designed foropposite seating. And, to be honest, I fell in love with the concept. It’s kinda cute.
What I used to feel was inappropriate, I now love it when someone kisses their partner in a moment of spontaneous passion. I firmly believe that my happiness is inexorably tied to how happy I am with my partner and the other intimate relationships in my life. So, why wouldn’t I want to watch people publicly express their love and affection?
Studies have found that
“Yep, the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love”
Love triumphs. But therein lies the problem. Where do you draw the line? How much is too much?
Rule of thumb
I get it. You’re in love and you can't keep your hands off each other. Who doesn’t love a good embrace after all? But before you start making out or grinding against one another, ask yourself, would you do this in front of yourparents or your elders? Probably not. Draw the line!
Work
If you’re headed out for lunch with your partner, maybe a quick peck is okay.Nothing too affectionate. No tongue, we’re keeping it professional. If you’reworking from home, technically your display of affection doesn't fall under the public category. As long as you’re not in a Zoom meeting, no one is stopping you from smooching all day. However, I do advise you to set some boundaries so you can get some work done.
Family
Every household has its tolerance for affection and sexuality, thus bear in mind your family’s tolerance before you go public with yours. Do consider the setting as well. Your grandmother’s 80th birthday vs a stay-in meal at your in-laws is very different. Yes, it’s annoying when that nosy uncle of yours keeps asking when you’re getting attached, but you don’t have to prove a point.
Public
Hmm.This is subjective. People are touchy-feely all the time at the bar and on the dance floor. Chances to get to second-base are pretty high depending on the bar. Of course, context is important here. When you’re in a club, drunk, or just in the moment, I’d say KISS HIM OR HER – it’s practically a by-law.
Movie theatres. Ah, the go-to destination for some hands-in-your-pants action. Dark and quiet, everyone’s focus is on the movie. The perfect spot! However, I don’t think you would like to see canoodling when you’re trying to watch a film.Also, there are night vision cameras in the theatres. Perhaps not the best idea.
How about making out at a bar or restaurant? Many would consider this the most egregious. You got yourself a nice plate of pasta or steak, toasting drinks to each other expecting nothing but quiet jazz in the background. You turn around and you see a couple going for it after their second bottle of wine.
It's safe to say that many of us adopt the "no boyfriend/girlfriend until you're 18" or "remain a virgin until you're married" mentality from our parent's generation. As a result, we grow up with a more conservative outlook. Plus, Singaporeans are obsessed with image and reputation. There is always a time and place to do (or not do) things. It is no news that footage of PDA on the SMRT has been widely disseminated on social media. The fact that some were in full view of other MRT commuters did not appear to deter any from their hanky-panky. It's as if you're viewing an R-rated (free) movie outside.When caught in the throes of passion, it is difficult to stop. That we can understand. But why go that far in the first place?
Why is PDA more widely accepted in Western culture? Western society is unique. They are more open and uninhibited and are perfectly fine to show affection in public.In fact, it is regarded as part of the everyday culture: people kiss and hug when they meet on the street; friends walk around arm-in-arm or hold hands;couples kiss — it's nothing out of the ordinary.
Many young people in Singapore are affected by Western culture and have adopted a pseudo-culture. Some young couples behave in public like couples in western movies, acting intimately. Would they do it in front of their parents?
Whereas in India, the Supreme Court has declared PDA to be an inappropriate act,which may be regarded as an act of public nuisance and may result in conviction and/or fine from the parties concerned. Kissing and hugging in public is taboo.Same-sex physical contact is allowed though.
PDA between a heterosexual couple is more readily accepted than PDA between a homosexual couple - people would judge them much faster. Even though Pink Dot is widely promoted in Singapore, some people are still resistant to it. I believe society will progress, but it will take some time for Singaporeans. Aside from Pink Dot,there are several movements that advocate for LGTBQ rights. I feel it is gradually becoming the norm, and who knows, maybe in the distant future,Singapore will legalize same-sex marriage.
PDA is not inherently offensive; it's merely something arbitrary imposed by social mores, such as whether skipping a funeral is acceptable. There is nothing biblical dictating whether one way or the other is acceptable here, and the fact that people find it offensive is probably due to present societal conventions rather than any instinctual evolutionary defined reaction. It is our responsibility to keep an eye on ourselves by not causing inconvenience to others in public in the name of PDA.
In short,
Fine = Holding hands, a hug/kiss hello or goodbye, a hand on an arm or the lower back.
Not fine = Making out in the middle of the street or in a store, grinding against someone out in the open space (clubs are fine, can close one eye), rubbing on or massaging each other.
PDA starts with anything in the pants. PDA is fine if it’s not over the top and making other people uncomfortable. There’s much more to a relationship. As long as your hands are visible, you’re good to go.
